Happiness is a state of mind, but not mine.

I went to my old high school today and saw my old teacher, it made me feel old. I’ve been out of high school for four years now, and I’ve come so far from where I was when I first graduated. I am truly happy with where I am in life. So, why don’t I feel happy?

Maybe its because its been a couple weeks since I’ve broken up with my girlfriend of three years, (who am I kidding) It definitely is. Ill be honest, I miss her… but whatever. I broke up with her, and she’s doing her own thing. Its not like our relationship was a cakewalk, I can be pretty tough to get along with. Im anxious and neurotic, coupled with the baggage she carried with her… it just seems, looking back, that all we did was abuse each other. Its a good thing its over, and like I said I feel really good with where my life is at.

So why do I feel unhappy? Its probably a combination of the loneliness felt from my newfound “freedom” and also my anxious brain racing with intrusive thoughts about “her”. Then theres the fact that the semester is over and now I have bullshit to do until it starts back up again in a week or two for summer classes. Just time, to work on things like my blog and try to get social media figured out. Lots of time to hang out with friends, who I don’t really talk to any more, and do things I forgot I liked to do.

The thing is, I think its finally getting a little easier. I may not be exactly as Happy as I feel I should be, but life is looking up. I have a feeling like this is a just me finishing up a chapter of my life, and I’ve got a lot more chapters till my book is over. I feel wonderful, strong, and healthy. Just waiting for that happiness to come around the bend, and I’m sure it will, any minute now….


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