I spend a lot of time day dreaming. In my head, things are always amplified ten fold, extreme highs and extreme lows. Without getting all “disassociated,” I just have a tendency to embellish the present. I feel at a disadvantage not being able to burst out in song and have backup singers and dancers follow suit, as we are whisked away into a flurry of wonderful song and dance, only then will I truly be able to express myself.
Im not looking to escape from reality, I love reality, I just wish it had a little bit more pizzaz! I live in Los Angeles, a place where you would think everything is sexy. Well I have some bad news, everything is not sexy. Its hard to make poverty look sexy, but thats not to say that Los Angeles doesn’t actually have glamour, its there, just not for poor people.
Even though my life doesn’t see much “sexiness,” (perhaps due to my lack of connections to that scene in Los Angeles) I must say it is not void of romance, everything I do and say has some semblance of romance. Im talking full on Humphrey Bogart in Casablanca romance, I just want everything in my life to be over the top extraordinary. Im always looking for greatness, which has given me an – one hundred and fifty percent effort, until I am unable to put any more effort forth! – type of attitude. If it where up to me every night would be a gigantic climax where the many unresolved conflicts of my life magically come to a resolution as I valiantly fight my way through stress from school, from my flickering love life, and from every other force in nature both internal and external and at the end I would always come out victorious.
Thats because in my head, I’m the hero, the protagonist, the young man who against all odds over came adversity and kicked lifes ass! Unabashed and unapologetic, thats who I am in my head, and it was a hard realization that I’m not the protagonist of the entire world or even in other peoples heads. To others, I’m just a side character, or a means to an end, or even an antagonist. To many I’m just another kid in the way of their own personal goals.
I’m not discouraged by this fact of life, if anything, its pretty encouraging! A little healthy completion never hurt anyone, I like to think it adds to the overall romance of life. A race is just a time trail if you are doing it alone! Rivals and speed bumps are what make your accomplishments that much more sweet when you get the delicious taste of victory! What would the glory of war be without the glorious fight fought. The victor standing proud as he relishes in his rightfully earned accomplishment.
When I tell myself I’m the hero, life’s problems seem to shrink, after all the hero always comes out on top. One of my professors once told me that I would experience many stop signs and speed bumps as I drive though my life, but no matter what I can never let them stray me off my path to success. Kinks in the chain and curveballs keep things interesting, without them life would seem a lot more bland. I need some conflict, I need some spice, I need some song, and I need to keep daydreaming.